02 August, 2010

Dumb Courtroom Exchanges

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies have been performed on dead people.

Q: Were you acquainted with the deceased?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: Before or after he died?

Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
Q: Did he kill you?
A: No.

Q: And lastly, Linken, all your responses must be oral. O.K.? What school do you go to?
A: Oral.
Q: How old are you?
A: Oral.

Q: What is your relationship with the plaintiff?
A: She is my daughter.
Q: Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?

Q: What is the meaning of sperm being present?
A: It indicates intercourse.
Q: Male sperm?
A: That is the only kind I know.

Q: (Showing man picture.) That's you?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: And you were present when the picture was taken, right?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: Was that the same nose you broke as a child?

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Q: Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

Q: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

Q: Were you alone or by yourself.

Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.
A: That's me.
Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?

Q: Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?

Q: So you were gone until you returned?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there girls?

Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet.

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